A Clever Solution

As posted earlier in the week, there have been an increased number of alligator sightings in our area, as a result of record rainfall creating favorable conditions for unusual migration patterns. The Indiana Wildlife Federation has found themselves overwhelmed with reports and requests for assistance over the past few days. Due to the economical struggle, they were unable to hire the extra staff necessary to assist residents with removal of their uninvited, amphibious guests.

However, fear not! Kevin Donaldson of the IWF released a statement today, assuring residents that hard economic times would not result in a compromise of Hoosier safety. The government, in an unprecedented move, has commissioned a fleet of brown bears to patrol the northern half of Indiana, as well as parts of Illinois, to fend off any encroaching alligators. Donaldson explains, "We needed an equally intimidating and territorial animal to drive out the hoards of alligators that have been migrating north. Bears seemed a natural choice."

An all out brawl has ensued between the alligators and bears, though the IWF speculates the latter will be victorious due to their driving sense of pride and determination. No word yet on how they plan to remove the bears from the area once the dust settles.

In Soviet Russia, Friday gets down on you!

Weather Monsters: Scorpnado Warning

Watch out, Columbus. You're safe for now, but this type of weather system is notorious for sudden rotations and hooks.

If this system shifts, you're going to be in a world of hurt.

Now that's an S-5 scorpnado if I've ever seen one.

Please note that there are key differences between the dangers of a tornado and a scorpnado. Your ability to identify which is which and react accordingly is essential for survival. I encourage you to research on your own, as I'm merely imparting the knowledge I have on the subject, but in a pinch, this chart should help you take appropriate precautions.

You're welcome.


Baby Got Beverage

I saw this today after lunch, and it sounded vaguely familiar. Almost as if this soda was created just for a certain someone in particular, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

And then it hit me. Who's the man who enjoys his sodas real thick 'n juicy? Who's the man who was born to be beggin' for a piece of that bubble? Why, none other than Sir Mix-a-lot, of course!

His anaconda 
unless you 
..high fructose corn syrup

I'm not entirely sure why he's not the official spokesperson of Bubble Up, what with the ass-shaped logo and name itself, but the brand could only profit from such a mutually beneficial partnership. Sir Mix-a-lot has even had a motto at the ready since 1992:

UGH, Bubble-up!

Weather Monsters: You're joking!

You're joking. You're joking! I can't believe my eyes!!

You're joking me, you gotta be! This can't be the right guy!

And if you aren't shakin', there's something very wrong. 
'Cuz this may be the last time you hear the Boogie Song!

Our Daily Thread: Weathergators

From: Katie S
Sent: Wednesday, April 27, 2011 4:55 PM
To: Amanda K

not as good as yours, but...

do you see him? (scroll down)

From: Amanda K
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 4:55 PM
To: Katie S
Subject: RE:
Oh yeah, he’s getting ready to take a big chunk out of i70.

Maybe I should have just made weathergators.com. : \ 

From: Katie S
Sent: Wednesday, April 27, 2011 4:55 PM
To: Amanda K
Subject: RE:

... you didn't scroll, did you 


From: Amanda K
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 4:55 PM
To: Katie S
Subject: RE:



Now this is just damned impressive.

We have received so much rain in our area recently that the Indiana Wildlife Federation is reporting record sightings of alligators in parts of Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky and even Ohio. Kevin Donaldson, who has been with the Indiana Wildlife Federation for 15 years, said that a surprising percentage of the amphibious travelers seem to have migrated north from Florida, which is unprecedented. Donaldson describes the behavior as "an unheard of, yet logical occurrence in the migration patterns" of these creatures and explains that the alligators quote, "seem to have migrated to the marshy northern states as a result of record rainfall mimicking their native environment. They seem to favor the northern environment especially due to a lesser occurrence of elderly drivers endangering their well-being, as well as increased distance between themselves and Alabama, which is a favorable condition for most Florida-dwelling animals and humans alike."

Below, you'll see even the weather radar mimicking this occurrence:

If you look closer, you can see where patches of alligators have become so intense that the gator-clusters even show up on the  radar.


taco ≠ hot dog
But even without that, this cake hurts my brain.

Spotted in a cake advertisement at Brusters in Bloomington, IN:

Sign me up for three!

Proper Disposal: You're doing it wrong.

I couldn't make out what the top part said.. But the part I could read was a little concerning.

(Hazardous Waste)
Maybe there's a lid nearby?

Nope... Just more, vaguely terrifying barrels. 
They've got to at least be stored properly somewhere though, right? 

Okay then. 

Rabid Rabbits

Christmas > Easter

It's a known fact. But in fairness, Christmas has it pretty easy. Hat + coat + beard + fat man on antidepressants = the perfect mall Santa. Since average, garden-variety rabbits check in at about 16 inches tall, it's indisputably harder to create an Easter Bunny get-up. 

That said, however, there is no excuse for the following: 

His dead eyes pierce my soul. 

This child might be in danger. 

Seriously, does anyone else get the distinct impression that this little guy is about to be abducted?


Now this one, in my humble opinion, is a perfectly respectable costume. 

The child, on the other hand, is a future serial killer. 

Who's hungry?!

Seconds, anyone?

Mkay, that's all I have for you on this subject. Have a great Easter weekend, if you go in for that sort of thing. 

And remember:

Failure Report

It's (Rebecca) Black Friday!


Hand to God, this is before I altered a thing. I can't be the only one who sees this, right?

No? Really? Okay then..

Yeah, now you're on board. But why is he so sad? :c

I can fix this.

That's better. 

You say potato, I say McGriddle

Have you ever been so excited by the delicious allure of MacGruber and/or the sexy seductiveness of a McGriddle that you create and distribute a flyer about it? 

I have. 

(special thanks to Katie S for Photoshoppings and other witchcraft.) 


Weather Monster riddle time:

 How much doom would a doomchuck chuck if a doomchuck could chuck DOOM??

Rabid expression. Bursting into flames. Yep, this has doom written all over it. At a second glance, though, it does look more like a doom gerbil than a doomchuck. 

Our Daily Thread: Golden Gate Bridge

Today's Episode:
"Fuckin' blankets. How do they work?"
                               --Lonely Island


From: Amanda K
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:14 PM
To: Katie S
Subject: This is out of left field..

..but I really need to talk about the Golden Gate Bridge for a minute.

So.. The Golden Gate Bridge: 

HOW the fuck does this work?? It’s sooo long (that’s what she said) and just…. Look at the middle of it! What is supporting this thing? Those little bars at the top? That makes no sense.  I think a certain amount of space on each side is safe, based on how a diving board works… 

But I really do not understand the middle of this bridge. Someone needs to fix it. 

 You're welcome, San Francisco. 


From: Katie S
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:14 PM
To: Amanda K
Subject: This is out of left field..

It really, really concerns me that you don't know how suspension bridges work. 

 From: Amanda K
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:14 PM
To: Katie S
Subject: This is out of left field..

 Yeah, I went to a Catholic school. What makes you think they taught us science?

Om nom nom

The great Indiana ice storm of 2011:

It nom'd the hell out of us.