Office Space

Sometimes, people will approach me on the street and say, "Amanda, I thoroughly enjoy your blog!"**  
(**never happened.)

They say, "I'm constantly amazed at your creativity and sense of humor.*** (***also never happened) Where do you come up with this stuff?? HOW CAN I BE LIKE YOU???**** (****nope.)"

My advice, my small yet adoring public, is to surround yourself with constant, relevant inspiration. For example, this blog looks like a meteorologist watched his 10 year old niece play with Photoshop for half an hour, decided it wasn't so hard, dropped acid, and logged on. As such, I find it's useful to surround myself with things that keep my ADD, lack of concentration and odd sense of humor fine tuned. This is especially true at work.

When you work in an office for 8+ hours per day, it's important to keep little things around that remind you of your individuality, so your creativity doesn't stifle under the repetition. It's impor-- wait, are those dogs wearing pope hats?

Truth be told, I've had these for years, and don't really remember why this had to happen. I do know that I used to have a sign for them which read "Pope Dog Pug and the Bishops of Chaos." I should make another one.

You may have noticed, to the right of the bobble brothers, a curious sight. A disturbing sight. This would probably be a good opportunity to back track and introduce you to my mom.

Hi, mom!

Before you ask, no. I'm not taking this picture down. Ever. 

I love my mom. She's mah bestie forever. Aside from being a smart, kind and creative soul (much like some certain bloggers I know... /smugface...) she also has the same, slightly off sense of humor that I do. That said, when my birthday was approaching, and she saw this statue, she knew she should buy it for me.

And buy it, she did.

You're probably wondering why the bottom rabbit is not wearing any clothing, while the rabbit on top is. Or why the smaller rabbit is holding a huge carrot like a mace. Or why he is humiliating his naked steed. Or why he has this ominous expression on his face, like whatever he's doing, must be done.

Do not make direct eye contact.

It's best not to dwell on these things, friends. I have pondered and contemplated these things quite extensively. The answers remain beyond my grasp.

I have another piece of mom flare around here somewhere. Actually, if you've been following me since April, you might remember this from before:

See that creepy-as-shit rabbit card in the upper-right? You know, next to the Napoleon Dynamite card, Comic Sans hatred, sock monkey, origami owl, and various other items that make no sense together? Yep, that's from mom. Actually, so's the Napoleon Dynamite card.

Although this is probably perfectly obvious, I feel inclined to mention that these things:

Are the only actual work items on this wall. And that this isn't even the whole wall. And that I've seen less clutter in a kindergarten toy chest. I'm a grown-up!

I am a grown-up, by golly! And I can prove it! Know how? Because grown-ups use pens. And I have pens! See?


Alright, you got me again, you sneaky bastards. I'm a total pen kleptomaniac. Black pens, colored pens, fluffy pens, holiday pens, probably even pens that don't work but look pretty. I keepsiss them. I lovesiss them.

I'm always adding onto this clusterfuck of an office space as well. Just today, one of my coworkers asked if anyone would like a fake rooster. Never having found myself in this situation before, and having no immediate need for an artificial rooster come to mind, I did the only logical thing.

I taped him to my moniter.

I like to think he's watching over me, encouraging me to do better.

....What? You don't think that's a comforting thought? What if I need that sort of motivation and reassurance, hmm? What would you have me do instead? Hire Jean-Luc Picard to stand over my shoulder, with a little bunny on his shoulder, wearing a fake headdress or something stupid like that?

Because I already have that, genius. Well, a cardboard cut-out, anyway.

So yeah. In short, to talk this kind of crazy talk, you must first walk a crazy walk. And I think it's pretty safe to say I have that covered. Hence the blog. You're welcome. ^_^

There's actually a couple other things in ye olde office that I'd like to share with you, but this is already hella-long. Some other time, perhaps. Adios!



trashamex said...

"who wants a fake rooster?"
manda's cat ears prick up with interest!!

A Place to be Me said...

Now THAT is a workplace the INSPIRES!

mmesinclair said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing. Especially about the bunny statue from your mom (WTF, Sue?!). Thanks for sharing this. It made my day. It also made Diet Coke squirt fiercely out of my nostrils.

Lacey Alexandra said...

Oh Amandapants, I love you and you amuse me to no end. :)

notanillusion said...

I will come up to you on the street and say all of those things, because you are my queen.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

NEVER let the office monkeys get you! And the only way is by covering your office space in STUFF THAT IS COOL. So you should be good. Plus everyone needs cock in the afternoon! And an excuse to tell clients "Would you like to see my cock?" Am I wrong? Of course not.

Amanda Kay said...

"Yes, that's right, ma'am, there's a cock on my computer. A giant cock.

...Because I find it reassuring, why else?

...Well that may be, madam, but I think you're just jealous that you don't have a friendly, fat little cock of your own to keep you company."

Cue the meeting with HR..

PS - Nikki, Lacey, you should probably go ahead and subscribe to my blog. Otherwise we're fighting.

saraross said...

OMG, I will never look at those bunnies the same way again. So funny and I really want to hang out with your mom (but not if she's going to make that face).