Something a little different

I'm still recovering from a four-day weekend, and the weather has been a little boring lately. So no weather monsters today. Here's an anecdote instead.

I work in a mail room, which is kind of like being a celebrity. Except instead of making movies, I make Excel spread sheets, and instead of bling, I have paper cuts, and instead of fan mail, I receive frustrating and ridiculous tomfoolery stuffed into envelopes. I would probably call it fartmail if I were immature and a big fan of acronyms. Which I am. So I will.

Among today's fartmail was a frustratingly-hard-to-separate group of papers which had been unnecessarily stapled together.

Let me clarify - one staple would have been fine.

But what I received defied all logic. I would count the staples this person used, but my eye just stopped twitching, and frankly, I'd rather take several staples to the aforementioned eye than to look at that pile of WTF again. Here's a reenactment of it for you :

Please note that the circled staple is not actually serving any purpose at all, and sadly, isn't much of an exaggeration from some of what came stuck on the letter. Maybe if I squint harder, I can figure out why the hell something like this is necessary.

I saw that one coming.

What aggravates me as much as having to ruin a pair of scissors and utilize two separate staple-removers to get all of the staples out, is the fact that someone stepped back after compiling their information, saw that mess, and thought to themselves,

..when any normal person (myself included) would have been all:

The punch line of all of this? In the cover letter of this mindless monstrosity, the sender asked the recipient to send them honest input and criticism at their earliest convenience. I assume this request was in regards to the content, not assembling, of the letter. However, it took every ounce of restraint to not respond on the recipient's behalf.

Dear ______,

Per your request for honest feedback, I'd like to recommend that you either learn to use, or refrain from using, your stapler. Please comply, or I will be forced to take it away from you. Sending this many unnecessary staples in a single document, then asking for feedback on said document, is comparable to having one's car totaled by a semi-truck with a "Tell me how I'm doing!" sticker on the back. 


Everyone you've ever written to.

Gotta love Mondays.



erin said...

fart mail. I approve.

Anonymous said...

Did you realize that the staples appear to spell out the word "fuck"? How's about them apples (staples)...?

-Dr. Evil