This October had been unusually anti-climactic and lack-luster in the spookiness department. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and do some Halloweening this weekend. Nothing too spectacular, just a few spooky errands.
My first unexpected spooky encounter happened at my friend Sara's house. (Sara, of Srosscoe fame.) She's chilling in front of her somewhat broken window, while I go ape-shit over her puppy. Upon glancing up... I see something terrifying.
Me: Gasp!
Sara: Oh... heh. Yeah. That? *points to broken window pane.*
Me: No. *dramatic pause; strides with purpose toward window.* That.
Sara: Ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..................
What was I pointing at?
That motherfucker.
The good news? At a closer glance, we realized he wasn't actually down in the basement waiting to assassinate Jeff Daniels. He was just there to make a friend.
And given the timing, it's also possible that he just wanted help with his Halloween costume.
As for my Halloween costume, I decided to be Hagrid for Halloween. That said, my next spooky errand was to Halloween Express (or Halloween City or Halloweentown or some fucking thing, I don't know...) It was a pretty standard experience, except for the fact that an employee, after he approached me and offered help, was pretty judgmental when I asked where the beards were. It's Halloween, you work in a Halloween store, and you're dressed like a mango or Rob Schneider or whatever, and you're giving me attitude?
After leaving the Halloween store, I was a little parched, and decided to get a Happy Meal. I almost got into a SPOOKY accident with a GHOULISH redneck and flipped him the HAUNTED bird at an intersection. Yes, I had the right-of-way.
... Not spooky enough.
That's better.
Moving on, I needed to hit Goodwill, which, in itself, is pretty spooky.
I don't so much hate Goodwill as I hate every single person inside Goodwill. For one, it smells like forgotten dreams and nursing homes. And secondly, every Goodwill I've ever been to leaves me more jostled than a prostitute at Charlie Sheen's house. And since I'm naturally very claustrophobic in stores anyway... I usually leave feeling like a sole survivor from The Decent.
Last stop: Kroger. On my search for dish soap, I walked by an item that inspired an epic double take, which, as the lady trying to walk by me learned, is a little more dangerous whilst steering a shopping cart. I'm not saying I knocked right the fuck into her, with force, with my cart, but that's exactly what I did.
Sorry, but if you saw this, you'd do a double take too, no matter who was in your way:
Anyway...
Back home, it was time to drink cider, carve pumpkins, and visit with the ghost of Devon Sawa's career.
Mr. Biffles was a little less than impressed with my carving skills. Fair enough, since I am, admittedly, no wizard when it comes to pumpkin carving. He did, however, offer his assistance by batting at the pumpkin guts as I was attempting to hollow them out.
He was such a good little helper that I decided to immortalize him on a pumpkin, complete with his top hat, monocle, and mustache. I also made a spooky face. It's not an official Halloween without one.
Here are the results:
Not too shabby, if I say so myself.
And those were my adventures in spookiness for this year. Happy Halloween, friends!
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