Mr. Biffles' Big Day

I've learned quite a few things since becoming the proud owner of my fancy feline friend.

I've learned that yes means yes, and no means yes. "Get down from there" means "stare defiantly," and "Ow, those are my veins" means "bite harder." The most important lesson I've learned, however, is that this:

Actually means this:

That said, I've decided it's high time for Mr. Biffles to have that very special vet appointment.

After shopping around, I have decided to take him to a place in town called Pets Alive. Over all, I was pretty impressed with their services and prices, and they seem to genuinely care about the critters, which is always a plus. Admittedly, though,  I did find some things on their website that kind of... just....

Yeeeeah.

No, I did not photoshop this. This is the banner that slapped me across my chow hole when I first entered their site. I'll go ahead and link it, if you happen to think I'm lying.

I mean... I get what they're trying to say. But all I could really think after seeing that was something along the lines of

My favorite part of this is how I didn't even have to alter his face. He just... looks like the kind of guy who's fully able to support this claim.

I assumed that they just snuck in a funny slide in their welcome slide show and was fully prepared to forget about it. Until I saw the next one.

In other words, "This blog post basically writes itself, because come on. Really?" And in other other words:

I continued my pet ownership education on their website, reading up on everything I'd need to do to take proper care of Mr. Biffles pre- and post-op. It seemed mostly pretty standard,and potentially hilarious. Just think of the fun faces and pictures I could draw on an Elizabethan cone, should one be required. I know I am.

Oh, like you wouldn't.

Dare I dream. It's been way too long since I've had a good excuse to play with pipe cleaners and googly eyes.

There was, however, one bit of information that I was not expecting, which caught me off guard.

Um... say what, now??

I'm sure there's some logical explanation, and that it's beneficial in one way or another, but I'm not exactly thrilled about it. Hell, I don't even have a tattoo, and my cat is going to get one? Is my cat officially cooler than me? Don't answer that.

I wonder if they take requests.... Maybe something in a nice tramp stamp. Or perhaps something to make him seem like less of a mama's boy, should he ever find himself in the great outdoors. Something tough.

Oh yeah. That's the stuff.

Oh well. Whether or not they take requests, I'm sure they'll do a bang-up job destroying my cat's manhood and liveliness. And while I sincerely hope and pray that he emerges a more compassionate and calm soul... I hope he doesn't end up with this expression embedded permanently on his cute little furry face.

Seriously, who chose the pictures for this website? It's like I designed it or something.

(And no, I didn't.)

((But maybe I should have.))










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