Deja Vu

Well... that looks familiar, doesn't it?


Fear not, though. This was completely different.

Well, kind of different. Yes, I was sick again, but this time, with a whole bunch of things! Not just one boring thing, like strep throat.

And no, I'm not exaggerating. I actually was on sabbatical because I had all of those things. Of course, I couldn't have pissed off the gypsy that makes you Thinner (hur hur... Stephen King reference...). No, no... I had to piss off the gypsy that keeps you sick for three weeks and makes you run out of brake fluid while you're fucking driving. Yeah, that happened, too. /wrists

But, I'm back now! Hooray!

........Deja vu?

And anyway, you people don't care about my ailments! You want the hard-hitting weather news you've come to expect at Meteoroflgy! In fact, I daresay you'd only be truly invested in my personal struggles if I told the story via weather radar. Which is fine. 'Cuz I'm gonna.


So I'm driving along in my car, minding my own business.

*Ahem*. I said, driving along in my car... 

Okay, fine. You know what? You got me. I can't draw cars. I have never been able to draw stupid cars. But you know that cloud cluster looks like a car. Just shut up. I don't see you making your own blog. Fucking shut up.

So, driving along, minding m-- yeah, I still hear you laughing at the car. Seriously, can we move on?

Bottom line, my breaks go out, on a crazy busy street, during rush hour. It basically looked like this:

Because I am awesome, I escaped that situation with zero damage to life and property.
.....Only to be rewarded with this, shortly after:

Which, of course, is me on the couch for days, dying from aforementioned sicknesses, being attacked by an unsympathetic Mr. Biffles. What he possesses in extra phalanges, he lacks in compassion.

So yeah. That's why I haven't posted much lately. Barring any run-ins with ebola or scurvy or pneumonia, we should be back on track shortly!

Happy Tuesday!

By the way - for little sprinkles of comedy and crazy in between posts, 

follow me on my recently-created Twitter account!

@meteoroflgy

....

I'm not a wizard.

I mean, seriously. This is the 4th hottest July on record for we Hoosiers. We've had maybe half an inch of rain this summer. And now, this:

What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? I know you want more radars, and by golly, I want to give them to you. But what the hell? Do you see anything? I don't see anything.

Yeah, there's a tree. Super. Now what? Some lame Christmas in July joke? That wouldn't impress any of us. It just doesn't meet the high standards of Meteoroflgy.

Oooh, yeah. A monkey and a turtle. That's original.


Sigh.

I mean, I guess that cluster in the middle kind of looks like gnome clothes.

Oh! And it looks like my Lord and Savior, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is gracing southern Alabama with his presence!

That splotch to the left of his Holy Noodliness kind of looks like one of those walkers from Star Wars, too.

*blink blink*

Look at it all. Look at that magical collage. Look what I've made for you.

Maybe... maybe I am a wizard... O_O





...

...

Did I call it or what?

I knew this would happen. Days ago, I proudly declared this to be my favorite accidentally funny moment of HP7.2

Then, this happened:

....

Post Potter Depression Syndrome

Well, the wait is finally over for die-hard Potter fans all over the world. I have to assume most Potter fans are feeling a little blue and nostalgic that this whimsical chapter in our lives has come to a close. If you're anything like me, however, this feeling may be manifesting itself as a full-on case of the crazies. I've classified my emotions as Post Potter Depression Syndrome, or PPDS. In reflecting upon the various stages I've progressed through in my multi-day struggle with PPDS, I've come to the realization that the stages are pretty much identical to the grieving process.


Denial:

You can pretend the movies aren't over. You can pretend Pottermore is going to satisfy your craving for another new adventure in the wizarding world. You can pretend that being a Muggle is awesome. But deep down... you know you're just lying to yourself.

Denial:

Anger: 

You're done pretending that there's any hope for new content. Your emotions channel themselves into a bitter, fiery rage that only a sea of new HP books could douse. A sea that will never come to shore.

Anger:

Bargaining:

Fan Fiction? Desperate letters to J.K. Rowling? Witty blog posts? Can any of these things give me that happy Harry feeling again? Please? PLEASE??! I'll do ANYTHING!

Bargaining:

Depression:

It's.... it's really over, isn't it.... :(

Fuck.

Depression:

Acceptance:

Unfortunately, there will be no witty image for Acceptance, as I'm very much still in the "Depression" stage. I can tell you that, in order to move to this final step and get on with life, I plan to see the movie again this Friday. I plan to sob hysterically and be judged by children and adults alike. It's a risky move, as it could very well propel me back to the beginning of the grieving/PPDS steps.... but I'm willing to take the risk.




By the by: the weather radar is boring as shit these days, thanks to yet another brutal summer drought. So I hope y'all are digging these non-weather-related posts.







...

Happy Harry Potter Day!

...

"Fun" with Comcast

I had a lot of compliments on my Fun with Mormons post. I actually had a few people ask me if this legitimately happened, to which my response would be "...You've met me, haven't you?"

For those of you who haven't met me, that translates as "Of course it happened."

I interact with strangers like this on a regular basis. Pretty much any time I interact with a stranger, actually. It makes me laugh, it makes them laugh, and it makes you laugh. That's what Charlie Sheen would refer to as Tri-Winning.

Sometimes, the joke's on me, because a) someone is too boring to have a sense of humor, b) someone is too stupid to have a sense of humor, c) someone is too stupid to do their job, or d) all of the above. Like this lady:

Seemingly innocent. Granted, in my line of work, "escalating" a situation usually means someone's being irate and thusly transferred to someone who gets paid enough to deal with their bullshit, but I assume that this is just more outsourced, broken English and wait patiently.

I get a little less patient after five minutes though, re-reading that last, italicized line with increasing suspicion.

It's been too long now.

I assume the worst.

And then, my assumption is validated by this:

I wait

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Oh, Comcast, you silly motherfuckers!

Fear not though, I did eventually find my way to a competent customer service rep, who was able to assist me. We even bonded a little at the end there when the Comcast rep got into the spirit and declared us FOREVER FRIENSDS!

So yeah, long story short - I talk this way to everyone. All I do is edit out the more boring parts. It's hard enough to exude all this crazy from one personality, let alone trying to cater said personality to the needs of perfect strangers. Why do it? I'm paying their company. I call the shots here.

Try it. It's liberating.


...hur, hur.... Moronism.







...

Hey! I'm not dead!

Why, you ask? Why would I do such a thing?

In case you're wondering what those two, little, gun-wielding demon things are, those would be my tonsils, tripling in size and taking my life hostage.

But, I'm all better now! Hooray! So now, we can get back to the things that really matter. Like the weather!

Obviously, this is from about a week ago, as the sun is shining brutally today, and the heat index in Indiana is about 115 degrees F, which of course, stands for FML.

But it's okay! Look at the cuteness!

Hi turtle! You need a buddy!

There we go. :) Best jungle pals forever! And, let's break out the photoshop stamps, just to class up the joint a bit.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Eat your heart out, Monet. 

Glad to be back! Have a great Monday, friends!

...